Hello ladies!
Tonight we continue our โ12 Days of Christmasโ Q&A blog post series … these answers are my gifts to you! ๐๐๐
And as always, I welcome your feedback at TheSirenRules@gmail.com if youโre inspired to write to me directly! Xo!
๐ผ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ #6
In what ways can I improve my nonverbal communication skills? How to enhance my communication to build stronger connections?ย
~V
Hello V, and thank-you for that unique question!ย
Non-verbal communication is so important and underrated, so Iโm very happy to speak about the topic. A few examples of non-verbal communication include touch, facial expression, eye contract, posture, tone of voice, personal style and appearance, hand gestures, oneโs use of space, and the (often overlooked) purposeful use of silence when communicating – as in a โmeaningful pause.โ It should be clear from the list, why these non-verbal communication tools are in the arsenal of skilled Sirens everywhereโฆ very little of the art of seduction and persuasion actually happens through words alone.
Since you didnโt specify in what context you would like to build stronger connections, I will answer that in general, for most situations, the most helpful things you can focus on would be a confident and open posture (sitting up straight with shoulders back and relaxed, open โreceivingโ hand positions, with the hands visible – never behind your back, tucked under arms or in pockets) making sure to have sufficient eye contact with the other person when they are speaking and a relaxed, positive (slight smile) facial expression.
Touch can be used to enhance connections in almost all circumstances, modified to the appropriateness of the situation – extend your hand for a hand-shake with the boss after the formal review or one-on-one meeting, rather than simply say your goodbyes and leave the room, coworkers can get a friendly pat on the shoulder, fist-bump, or high-five when theyโve done something well, and a hug (after asking if theyโd like one) when theyโve gotten bad news or are having a bad day. Friends can be hugged warmly at every meeting, and what you do for lovers might be NSFW to elaborate! ๐
Tone of voice should be low and mellow, volume should be kept moderate, and appropriate personal space maintained between yourself and others, depending on context. Too close or too far away, can both be offensive depending on the situation. One great practice is seeing where you can add pauses in conversation for reflection, emotional impact, or a non-verbal boundary. Observe how powerful silence can be…. as people rush to fill the gap by divulging their thoughts, their secrets, explanations, excuses or apologies!
For fun you can also practice incorporating hand gestures into your communication, as giving friends thumbs up, celebratory high-fives, enthusiastic waves of hello and goodbye, peace signs and rebel gestures when enjoying group activities or musical events, can all be unique ways to liven up your interactions and express yourself without having to think of โwhat to sayโ all the time. Long before human beings had such weighty brains, we expressed ourselves through noises and gestures quite effectivelyโฆ it can be an eye opening exercise to spend an evening with friends or family around the campfire, and see how long you can be fully and actively engaged in the social gathering / conversation without ever saying any intelligible words. โMmmmm!โ + thumbs up toward the host for the food, a relaxed โAhhhhh!โ when sinking into your seat, hearty laughter at everyone’s jokes, waves and hugs for your best friendโฆ longing eye contact and a soft caress on your crushโฆ we really donโt need all the โlanguageโ we think we do with people, and often confuse and exhaust ourselves trying to find the perfect way to โsayโ something, when what we want to communicate is much better โexpressedโ than said.ย
My personal favorite gesture is the single open-hand-over-heart, as a beautiful expression of feminine empathy. It is an interesting fact that straight males never use this hand gesture in communication, no matter how intimate the setting.ย ย ย ย
To improve your non-verbal communication, you may want to observe others closely and copy successful behaviors you witness, practice mirroring role models, read books or watch videos on the power of body language to understand more hidden cues, ask for feedback from close friends or a partner on what messages you seem to be sending that you may not be aware of, and perhaps most helpful of all, watch video recordings of yourself with the volume on mute to see how you come across. Adjust and improve as needed!
Some common pitfalls include forgetting to have a warm and open facial expression with others, or not making enough eye contact, which causes others to perceive the person as self-absorbed or irritable, possibly even unfriendly or uncooperative in a group setting. Poor posture (slouching) gives others the impression of low motivation, poor health, and lack of desirability/status. Touch is often a missed opportunity to deepen social connections, though of course one must be careful that the touch is context appropriate. But touch is so powerful, itโs been shown in psychological studies to change peopleโs opinions about others quite drastically in a positive direction, (even something as simple as a pat on the shoulder) when the person in question initiated a friendly or comforting touch toward the subject who was a near-stranger.ย
A whole series of blogs could be written on the importance of what is communicated through personal style and appearance, but thankfully there is plenty of information on fashion and developing a personal style available online, so I invite you to explore other sources if that topic is of particular interest!
Of course, the way you communicate non-verbally with an intimate partner would be very different than the way you communicate non-verbally with strangers walking down the street, or with friends, family, or coworkersโฆ but I hope this general discussion on the importance of non-verbal cues has sparked some ideas for you, and Iโd love to hear more from you about the particular context or challenge that inspired your question to continue the discussion.
Much love!
๐ โ๏ธ๐๐โ๏ธ๐๐พ๐๐
~Selina (the Siren-Santa ๐)
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The Siren Rules 