It is often said that men are hunters… but what does that mean? How does that factor into the mating and bonding instincts of a man?
“Hunters” have a drive to pursue. To chase. To stalk. To battle the elements. To be tested by nature and to prove themselves worthy. To conquer the wild, to aim straight to the target, to succeed and bring home his treasure.
As no hunter wants to shoot fish in a barrel, or a helpless bear cub tied to a tree, likewise no masculine-energy man ever wants a woman who simply lands in his lap for free… gives easy sex… or pours all her energy, attention, love and feelings onto him, regardless of whether he earned/deserved that from her or not.
There is no honor, and no status gained for a hunter, in killing a totally helpless animal. Likewise, a woman that takes nothing to win, is not worth winning.
This same desire to pursue and conquer, for a man to prove himself a man, is what creates a so-called “player”. It is because modern women have become so “easy” that players are forced to play…
Yes… shocking… I know. But hear me out, and I’ll explain how this works, and what’s going on in the man’s mind.
Players are endlessly chasing a desired feeling of satisfaction and manly-prowess, that they’re not getting when today’s women accept so little from them. Players are young men that naturally want to test their worth with the fairer sex – and to prove themselves as strong, desirable mates – but they can’t seem to find any woman with actual boundaries and standards to test and judge themselves by… women who would put them through their paces, and award the prize only if they are truly deserving.
The modern player is simply a young man who has no ability to prove himself to a worthy woman, because he’s never met one… the moment he tries to get a woman into bed with a few bits of meaningless fluff and flattery – he succeeds! And then he is left unsatisfied with a prize so easily won. So he moves onto the next girl, hoping for a challenge… but again, within weeks (or possibly just hours) of giving a woman nothing but pretty words, he’s inside her having circus sex, and she’s trying to impress him with how freaky she can be.
Ugh….
This of course, always turns into an unmitigated disaster, and yet for some strange reason, modern women, especially young modern women, continue to think that if they treat a first date like an audition for a porn career, the player they just met might stick around. It never works, but they keep falling for it again and again. The idea that sex is something you can trade for love couldn’t be further from the truth, or sadder from an empowered woman’s perspective. But ultimately, we must recognize what is essentially self-abuse… You don’t have to sleep with a man you barely know who’s given you nothing. You certainly don’t have to “prove your worth” as a potential girlfriend with porn-star moves. You don’t have to use Tinder, or a biker bar at 2am, to look for a relationship. As women we have to be accountable for our choices, and raise our standards.
When you expect better from a man, you get better. When you raise the bar so high that only good men can climb over it, guess what happens? You only get good men.
If you don’t like the quality of the men you’re getting in your life, look at where you set the bar. Respect yourself, and don’t be so afraid of being alone, that you end up even worse off – mistreated, disrespected, used, and heartbroken.
Sometimes women are so lost in their own fears and insecurities, they tell me raising the bar is simply impossible. They really think that no men exist that are capable of meeting a higher standard, because every man out there is a lying, cheating, broke, immature, heartless, classless, (etc!) player, and that’s just the way men naturally are.
But guess what?
I can assure you, there were no “players” in 1856. Or 1934. Or in 2000 BC.
Before birth control, women had high standards for men before sex because they had no choice but to have high standards.
If a woman at any point in time throughout human history pre-1960s let a man into her pants before building a real relationship, real intimacy, real commitment, and (often) a marriage ceremony in front of God and everyone they knew – then the consequences were that she got pregnant and put her entire life, and the life of her child, at great risk if he ran off without her. There was basically no sex allowed without real love, or at the very least, public commitment and responsibility from the man.
Were men a different species at that time?
No, of course not!
They were exactly the same as the men of today… they were just as horny… just as foolish… just as lazy! But pre-1960’s the women however, had very different standards of what they would require in exchange for sex.
So if through all of human history women having a very high bar was the way of things, and men survived just fine, and “put up with” all the rules and hoops they had to jump through to get the woman they desired, and furthermore, relationships were far more harmonious and successful (compared to today’s divorce rates, which are as high as 75%!) shouldn’t we learn a lesson from the past?
You don’t owe him sex just because he bought you a few lunches, or took you out for a nice dinner. No man has ever died of “blue-balls” or whatever lies men today are telling insecure women to try and get laid. Why have so many women convinced themselves that it is impossible for men to wait longer than a minute to get what they want, while women must sacrifice everything they want and hope for in a relationship, especially emotionally?
Women must put themselves first. Because the truth is men end up much happier anyway when the woman prioritizes her needs, and has clear standards and boundaries for his behavior. Men respect women who are able to prioritize their needs, and respect is a prerequisite to love in a man’s mind.
Just as a hunter dreams of testing himself in the wild against the most difficult and dangerous prey, men dream of conquering and finally “domesticating” a Siren-Goddess who is fierce and free… that desirable, difficult woman no other man could catch. He wants her because she is the ultimate prize and symbol of his prowess and success as a man, to overcome all her difficulty and challenges. He wants to know how hard he worked for her, which proves her value to him on a primal, physical level.
So raise the bar, lean back, and discover to your Siren-delight that lifelong players and masculine-energy-hunters will do anything to make you theirs.
Much love!
~Selina
PS. If you’d like to find out more about private sessions with me for one-on-one life coaching, or to learn any of the Siren Principles to transform your relationships, I’d love to hear from you at TheSirenRules@gmail.com
The Siren Rules 