Oh, the cringe…
A lot of women don’t understand how and when they come across as trying way too hard, and their behavior is seen by men as desperate and low-value … even if they are truly incredible women in countless other ways.
The good news is these simple and common mistakes are the building blocks you can use to learn powerful Siren skills.
Let’s go over a few examples:
1) He gives you a gushing compliment about how beautiful or smart or talented you are.
You give him a gushing compliment right back!
WRONG…
This is not receiving and validating his masculine, forward, giving-energy as a man to a woman. This is like a slap in the face, like saying “Oh you wanna act masculine with me? Well guess what buster, I can act masculine too! Just watch! I’ll start courting you right back, you big bearded damsel!”
When you’re being courted by a man as a feminine-Siren, he should be doing the work of winning you over… don’t start competing with him about who can give the most compliments, say the most nice things, or constantly go back and forth with pleasantries 50/50 like it’s a tennis match.
M/F Courtship is not a tennis match!!! It’s him driving the car like your chauffeur, and you leaning back, enjoying the view, relaxing as he takes care of you. Don’t you have enough work and problems in your life? It’s wonderful to be feminine and taken care of. Enjoy it!
So stop stressing about what “to do back” and just receive his compliments! If he’s paying you a compliment, he’s already into you – you don’t need to “work” at being likable.
EVEN WORSE…
You act unsure and uncomfortable with his praise, as if no one else has ever noticed your value before, or said it out loud. You’re frozen like a deer in headlights. Maybe you try to make a joke of it, contradict him, or say “it’s nothing” / “not really” or “you’re crazy” in response.
Is there anything sadder than a woman who feels so small she can’t accept a genuine compliment?
SIREN MOVE
A Siren simply receives the compliment with easy grace. She gives the impression that she is well versed in hearing nice things about herself all the time – and she doesn’t need to “give back” in order to “equalize” with the man. She’s perfectly pleased to be on his pedestal, right where she should be.
What does gracious receiving a compliment look like?
In the early stage of dating, it looks like a smile, or a happy sigh, and “Thank-you!” or “Aww, thanks!” with perhaps a light touch or leaning toward him if in person (if it suits the situation.)
Simply giving him your attention through eye-contact, with your eyes bright and beaming and pleased, is sufficient.
You don’t need a lot of words – men are not verbal creatures.
If you’re further along in dating, then squeezing his hand or putting your head on his shoulder, perhaps quick a kiss – are the best rewards. A slight bit of touch lets him feel close to you, and appreciated, while always wanting more… which is the perfect combination.
Nothing could be simpler!
He wants to give you something. You accept it. You are sweet, gracious, receptive, and express the emotion of pleasure (without going overboard!) and say thank-you (with words or with your eyes or your touch).
He feels good and manly that you received what he gave you, even if it’s just a few nice words for the time being. This sets the tone for your relationship, the energy of give and take (he gives and you take!) as courtship progresses.
It is of course obvious how these little verbal, emotional, and energetic exchanges are a sneak preview of what happens when a man and woman make love in a healthy way – which is why they’re so incredibly sexy to a masculine man. A Siren is always behaving in the most subtle exchanges, the way she would intimately behave with a man…
In sex, HE naturally does the work. HE puts his back into it. SHE simply relaxes into his strong arms. HE gives HER a part of himself, and SHE receives it, in a state of effortless pleasure. Afterwards, SHE is singing a song, recharged, while HE is sleeping away, completely exhausted – but blissfully happy!
A Siren has no more misplaced guilt receiving gifts and compliments from a man, than guilt over his exhaustion after making love. These are the laws of nature – he gives and she receives. He is exhausted, she is invigorated. It doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying every second of giving to her, whether in courtship, or in bed.
2) He makes a bold move expressing his desire … he says he wants to live in service of your dreams, to run away together, to give you some enormous gift, to help you with some major personal or financial problem, to have a child with you, to fly you across the world and make passionate love to you in Paris, to marry you on a white sand beach under a tropical sunset – whatever.
You tell him he’s crazy, immediately shutting him down – and explain that he’s a presumptuous asshole moving too fast, that you can take care of yourself, thank-you-very-much, and besides you’re pretty sure he’s full of sh*t and trying to play you or manipulate your feelings by making such extravagant promises.
Oh dear.
Way to kill the romance!
EVEN WORSE…
You tell him he’s the most amazing man you’ve ever met in your whole life and that you belong to him mind body and soul no matter what… long before he actually follows through with any of these grand gestures or promises. Then when he inevitably starts planning his escape route and backing off the expectations he’s created (after you’ve thrown yourself down at his feet) you do nothing but double down on your desperation by telling him how much you love him, how much you want him, and beg him to stay.
Nobody likes the smell of desperate. Stop being a fool, and find your self-respect. He isn’t Jesus. Yes you can live without him. You just need to recognize the difference between actions and pretty words – they are not even close to the same thing! Don’t give him credit for something he hasn’t actually done, just talked about. At work, doesn’t get paid for making promises – he gets paid for results. A wise woman takes the same view.
SIREN MOVE
A Siren appreciates his words of desire and fantasy for what they really are – fun.
She’ll play along, but make it clear that she’s just playing, and that until he’s actually done what he promised, he’s not getting any more from her. Her standard reaction to “fake offers” are “fake answers”. She’ll elaborate upon the fantasy, express her expectations are sky-high, and the answer will only ever be “maybe” to him, even if he succeeds. This is the ultimate Siren reply to male “flexing”, as it establishes her confidence, ease with male attention, and high value. “Maybe” “I might” and “I’ll think about it” are her favorite answers to give men in response to just about anything.
Example:
Guy in club – “Damn girl, you so fine! YUM! I wanna marry you yesterday!”
Siren – (smiling, casual) “Well, get me a five carat diamond ring and I might say yes.”
Guy’s friends – “OHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Damn, SHE DON’T PLAY!”
“That’s a hot mamma right there!”
“Don’t listen to him girl, he’s a fool! I get you that five carat diamond baby…”
“I saw her first! Let me buy you a drink Angel, what do you like? Anything…“
See how that works?
Men have a deep longing, a desperate craving for a woman who can handle their flashy masculine attention without completely falling apart with fear and insecurity like a lost mouse… or over–reacting with anger and viciousness, trying to “out–man” them in how aggressive she can be.
A Siren is relaxed and confident, like a Queen on her throne. She takes it all in stride, leans back and enjoys the show as they complete with one another for her glances, like so many court jesters.
3) He follows through with actually providing a gift / service / assistance / amazing experience for you.
You tell him right away about twenty times how much you appreciate it, and immediately start planning to “pay him back” – including peppering him with questions about what favor you can do for him in return.
Ugh… No!
Let a man be a man and do for you what he will! You didn’t put a gun to his head to make him court you. If it makes him feel good to give you something, accept it without making a fuss or “trading” for it. That’s insulting in the context of courtship, because women only trade with friends – not with lovers. The moment you start trying to “pay him back” for some favor, or “split the check”, it’s the universal signal of him being in the “friend zone”.
You FREAK OUT at how nice his gift was, act like no man in your life has EVER done anything nice for you, and become personally convinced that no man could ever possibly do any more for you than this man has done. Clearly you must marry him ASAP! You immediately “pay” for his kindness with sex, and start bending over backwards to keep him, and turn yourself into whatever sort of woman you think he wants.
*FACEPALM*
Congratulations, you’ve just castrated whatever desire he had for you that inspired the gift, removed every trace of his sexual drive to be challenged and “win the prize” of a confident, high-value Siren. You also acted like a cheap hooker that can be had for a simple favor, because she’s never experienced a single decent man in her life… and that’s very unappealing to a good man. He’s going to scratch his head wondering why no man ever did these things for you before… and question whether he’s a sucker looking at fool’s gold instead of the real thing.
SIREN MOVE
A Siren simply enjoys it!
She says thank-you, that she had a wonderful time, gives him a smile – and that’s it.
“Thanks for taking me back home, I’ll see you next time!” *close the door.*
She keeps him wanting and waiting without a shred of guilt or hesitation. Because she knows that’s his role to play, until and unless they are in a committed, harmonious, meaningful relationship.
She doesn’t gush, and she doesn’t give back constantly. She receives. Because she knows even the slightest gesture of appreciation is enough for a masculine man to keep climbing the courtship mountain to win her over. He lives for her eye contact, her smile, her soft “thank-you”… until he can finally have her (traditionally on the romantic Honeymoon!)
Under no circumstances would a Siren break the spell of enchantment she has over him, by having sex “in exchange” for something nice he did, because she felt somehow guilty for receiving it, or wanted to “pay him back”. She’s not giving herself to any man until and unless courtship is complete, he is committed and has fully proven himself to her and met her needs 100%, with zero red flags. She’s not wasting her time and risking her health and sanity for just any guy who’s interested. She’s reserved for a committed/public monogamous relationship with the man of her dreams.
Anything short of that is a woman just selling her body in exchange for dinners / favors and vacations, and a Siren would never whore herself out for material things she could easily earn on her own. It’s the emotional connection, the strong and steady masculine support, and the committed, meaningful relationship with a partner who meets her needs and jumps at the chance to please her that she wants – and she won’t settle for less.
THAT is why she acts the way she does.
THAT is why she is a HIGH VALUE woman, the SIREN of his dreams.
Much love,
~Selina
If this lesson resonates and you’d like some one-on-one coaching about how to express your high value with men like a Siren, I’d love to hear from you at TheSirenRules@gmail.com! ❤
The Siren Rules 