Hello Lovely Ladies!
Today I received a great question from a reader, on a topic which causes much confusion – what is “acceptable” in approaching / not-approaching men in social situations.
As you probably already know, the traditional advice to stay in your Siren/feminine/receptive energy mode it to “never approach men, always wait to let them approach you”.
The problem with this advice is it lacks nuance, and puts the woman in a very disempowered position of doing nothing but waiting around… the man has all the power to make anything happen at all. And what if he’s clueless? What if he missed the gorgeous outfit you’re wearing because he’s staring at his phone? What if he’s turned away from you or not paying attention as you try to catch his eye? Is there nothing else a woman can do?
You’ll find the full question and my answer below… but please keep in mind that this advice applies to the specific context of open, social, mixed-gender events with many participants, and where no relationship of any kind exists between the two parties. Do not misuse it as a pass to “casually” start conversations with your boss at work, or text the guy who’s been ignoring you after a couple of dates about the weather out of a hidden desperation to rekindle the relationship. Remember: motives matter… they set the energetic intent of any action, and 90% of your results will come from correct intention, regardless of action.
With that disclaimer out of the way… here’s todays Q&A!
Hi Selina,
I recently attended a social event where I saw a handsome guy. I gave him a look from a far. I went to sit at a table and chat with some girls when I felt his gaze on me. I turn around and that was him sitting at table behind me with an expectant and friendly look on his face. I never approach men so I gave a him a smile and went back to speaking with the girls. My friends told me I should have approached him in this situation. What would you say?
-Bella
Hi Bella,
Well, you say that he was sitting at the table behind you, looking at you in a friendly way – so in that context you were already so physically close, therefore you would not have needed to “approach” him to say something casual about the event, or wave, hold eye contact, or connect in some other manner (if you liked him).
By turning away from him to talk to your girlfriends, you may have sent a signal of rejection to the handsome fellow.
It’s perfectly fine for you to open the conversation with men at social events, so long as it’s done in a purely “friendly/casual” way and not a “sexual” way. After that initial conversation wraps up, it’s his role to ask you to lunch or exchange numbers, but in the female role you shouldn’t do anything different than you would out of politeness with someone you had no romantic interest in.
For example, if you were talking to an elderly lady you didn’t know at that same social event, you might compliment her on some article of clothing, or ask her if she was enjoying the food, or say something else about the event, the music that was playing, the weather, or whatever fit the context in the moment. You’re perfectly free to talk to the handsome man about the same things, and act in the same way, as you would with the elderly lady.
However, you wouldn’t tell the elderly lady “You look so hot!” or ask “are you single???” That crosses a line in signaling romantic interest in an overt way – which is very masculine energy.
By keeping things strictly friendly and polite in the conversation, you have plausible deniability… you’re not too forward or masculine in your energy, which is the pursuer. Then it’s up to the man to ask you out, or give you his cheesy pickup line of choice… luckily, you don’t have to be the one to do it!
The bottom line is, don’t avoid all conversations with men you like because you think it breaks a rule. It doesn’t. Just avoid conversations where you come across as hunting him with sexual intent.
Much love,
~Selina
If this mini-lesson resonates with you, and you’re curious to find out more about one-on-one coaching options, I’d love to hear from you at TheSirenRules@gmail.com.
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