Today I am inspired to share a lesson about a radical notion for so many women…
The idea that you truly, deeply, deserve to be happy.
For so many generations in our patriarchal society, women have been taught that their happiness is of no value. In countless ways, and through thousands of little social interactions, women are taught to shut up, sit down, be agreeable, be quiet, to submit and serve the interests of others – namely the men. This requires a mental split, where a woman’s own will and inner voice is placed inside a cupboard to get along and survive in the world… after a while she has no idea what her happiness even looks like.
In our modern society much lip service is given to the notion of equality, while women do double the work for half the rewards. They work in the home, outside the home, with the children, with the pets, with the schools, with the churches, with the community… women are the invisible glue that keeps social ties, and the working lubricant in the interpersonal engine of companies, families and civic groups. Without them chaos and conflict and strife would quickly ensue. Yet their work is invisible work – the praises of the multi-tasking secretary, or the superhero single mom are not sung alongside the ruthless, laser-focused male executive.
More bitter than the lesser pay and social status, is the internal emotional damage that takes a toll on women everywhere, who do not even question the idea of living a life where they are miserable, and putting everybody else’s needs first. And while I deeply appreciate women’s natural ability to handle the enormous pressures of these positions, and juggle needs of so many others in their extended web of personal connections, as a woman, you should never allow your incredible power of giving and empathizing to be taken advantage of.
Because every single human being was born for a purpose, and deserves to find their own way and happiness in life – and that includes you!
For too long women have been told, in so many subtle ways, that to be happy is somehow selfish and wrong. It is a message repeated so often, that many women deeply believe this… they have no expectation of happiness at all, and truly worry about being selfish when simply asking for their own basic needs to be met. Needs like peace, stability, affection, trust, security, consistency, honesty, caring and kindness. Needs like getting a full night of sleep, and having time for their own interests, instead of spending sixteen hours a day taking care of everybody else.
I’m here to tell you that not only do you deserve to be happy as a human being, but it is the very opposite of “selfish” to do so!
There is nothing selfish about being happy, because only happy, alive, passionate people have the energy and charisma to make a positive difference in the world. The truth is, if you’re not genuinely happy, you’re just dragging down everything and everyone around you. Martyrs and barely-functioning, sleep-deprived-overworked-zombies are not making the world a better place… they’re toxic enablers that keep things out of balance. The more women do, the less men bother to show up. The more women tolerate, the more burden they’re forced to bear.
If you’re not happy, I’m afraid you’re part of the problem… you’re the lead weight on a sinking ship instead of the lifesaver. The world desperately needs MORE happy people, not less… the world needs MORE self-love/self-respect and personal boundaries, not less… the world needs MORE passionate people buzzing with enthusiasm for their calling, not less! It’s the countless millions of people who’ve ignored the whisperings of their inner joy and forced themselves to do things they hate doing, and the myriad of unhealthy ways they compensate for all that misery that is the root cause of most of our modern problems – from rampant greed to obesity, depression, drug use, broken homes, and destroying the planet.
Of course this is the complete opposite most women have been taught – which is to suffer in silence and believe your personal happiness has no meaning. But that is nonsense! Your happiness is the rocket fuel for the journey.
You must prioritize and protect your happiness, as a sacred covenant.
It is with a happy heart great works are done… the moment you let the world, or other people’s issues drag you down, you can not be part of the solution, or lead by example and grace so that others might find their passion, purpose and happiness also.
Much love!
~Selina
If my work resonates with you, and you’d like to know more about one-on-one coaching for your situation, I’d love to hear from you at TheSirenRules@gmail.com.
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