Ladies, a Siren is a gift.
This is true in the greater, philosophical sense. And also in the practical, moment-to-moment-in-a-relationship sense.
In the big picture, a Siren is a gift in that she is what all men yearn for in their deepest desires. After all, every man has searched for a worthy woman to devote himself to, and to be blissfully inside of, ever since he emerged from the womb and grew old enough to understand he could not be with his mother forever. He is the knight seeking the princess. The hero searching for the damsel to rescue. Not because the princess or the damsel need him, but because he needs them – because without a woman to provide for, take care of, adore, love and please, a man will forever feel incomplete and useless, no matter his other achievements. A Siren is a gift to a man also in the sense that any man of substance will tell you he could not do, be, aspire or achieve his highest greatness without it being in service of a woman (and as often naturally follows, their family.) She is what beckons him to greatness, what sustains him, supports him emotionally, gives him rapture physically, delights his senses with her beauty, her voice, her wit, her charm, her smile, her touch. A Siren is his Queen, his Goddess, his Mistress. His purpose.
In the practical sense, knowing that you are a gift and a treasure, and thinking only about what you are capable of giving and your enormous value to any man lucky enough to be in your orbit, will protect you from self-doubt, bad choices, low self esteem and desperation. We cannot be at the same time full of what we can give, and our abundance and our value, and somehow “want” from men. The mistake that so many women tragically make, is they chase and struggle after men thinking that some word or action of approval, attention or obedience to their wishes from the one they’re focused on will fill the emptiness inside where she does not love and appreciate herself enough.
But that can never be. Only when you realize just how precious and priceless a treasure you are, how much you have to offer, can you stop chasing and needing and wanting and going crazy for someone to “love you” in the way you want to be loved, and instead finally see the abundance of love, adoration, service and pleasure that men are ready to offer all around you. Do not be like the fool in the old Zen fable, standing in the middle of the river, dying of thirst.
Love is the river you are standing in. You cannot be thirsty standing in the middle of a river, without suffering a profound delusion about reality. Unfortunately, “lack of love” it’s a very common delusion…
Let’s go one step further.
How have I personally gone from a string of disastrous, abusive, draining, crazy-making relationships with toxic and useless men and self-esteem in the toilet in my 20s, to knowing I can have any man I want (and have and do!) and the sort of self-confidence that will captivate an entire room and enchant complete strangers in seconds in my 30s? Further, how have I gone from struggling on the edge of poverty surrounded by victims and losers, to my own thriving, deeply-fulfilling business, multiple investments, owning my home outright, coaching on the side just for the joy of it, and having a circle of successful, wealthy, and fascinating friends in such a relatively short period of time?
My life turned around when I stopped thinking about what I thought I was lacking, and started thinking about what amazing, unique and powerful things I had to offer. My life changed when I stopped hiding my light under a bushel, and being scared to say what I was good at, and what I really, really wanted. My life changed when I realized I was a gift and a treasure to the world, not a mistake. When I really focused on how much I had to give, how much I wanted to create and contribute my talents and potential, I stopped feeling out of place, I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and I stopped complaining, explaining, justifying, rationalizing or asking permission for things. I thought long and hard about what I desired, rolled up my sleeves, and made things happen. I spoke my mind, and people listened. Nature herself listened. I went from acting and thinking like a little lost waif or street urchin, to acting and thinking like a Goddess and a boss. I went from being a victim of everything that happened to me, to reveling in the triumph of overcoming everything that had happened to me. My psychic and emotional wounds healed from the once-seeping-sores that drained my health and energy, to bad-ass battle scars that marked not only my survival, but my victory over the monsters of the past. I was stronger than they were, and I loved myself all the more for realizing it was true.
When I sit in front of a man today, over a gorgeous five star dinner somewhere overlooking the coast where I live, I do not feel unworthy. I do not wonder if I should split the bill, fret about what he thinks of me, or whether he’s expecting to “get something” out of our date. Instead, I think about what a treasure I am, and the gift that I am giving him. I think about the countless ways I could delight him, inspire him, appreciate, love, encourage and bewitch him. I think about the pleasure of my company that he is lucky enough to enjoy, the feast of his senses as his eyes caress my skin, trace the lines of my smile, the sparkle in my eyes, and he tastes the scent of my perfume like wine. I listen to his stories deeply and understand what this man needs, wants, desires. I know what I could give to him, how good I could be to him, if I found him worthy – over time – to become my lover or partner. How lucky he is to have found me. How lucky he is to have my time and my company this evening. How many men would crawl through broken glass to be in his shoes, if only they knew what I knew.
I hold my head up high, radiant with the truth and power of what I know. So there is always that mysterious “something” about me that captivates him, and makes me different from any other woman he meets. I alone am content in my own skin, my own mind, my own life. I alone am not searching for approval. I am full to overflowing – not pretentious, entitled, or spoiled – but knowing exactly who I am, and who I am to this man in front of me. I AM A GIFT.
In every relationship I have, I do not think about what I “need” or “want”, but rather what I can freely and joyously give simply by being myself. There is no room to be needy or wanting, when I am so busy thinking of all the lovely ways I can give others joy and even transformation through nothing more than my own desire and authenticity and search for ever higher realms of happiness and satisfaction. I delight in knowing my own endless abundance by continuously sharing my treasure with those around me, from the precious jewels of kindness, compassion, and deep listening, to the gems of charm, class, humor, and style. A woman is her own creation – she is both the artist, and the flower, as she puts herself together as a thing of beauty to shine upon the world. More than anything else, I know I can create my reality, for woman is the creative force of nature. Everything you have in your life you have brought into it one way or another (sometimes only for the test or the challenge or the satisfaction or the novelty of conquering it!)
Remember, always, that you are a gift and a treasure. The world is as full of love, as water to someone standing in the ocean. And if you are lost in illusion and find yourself dying of thirst in the middle of the river, sometimes the fastest way to break the spell is to offer someone else a drink.
Siren, woman, let yourself feel the truth and meditate deeply upon it. You are the water-well, able to give life and love to all things. Let that water pour freely upon the world… it is thirsty. And you are the answer.
PS. If you’d like to speak to me one on one or get private coaching to learn about this and other techniques for transforming your life through Siren principles, I’d love to hear from you at TheSirenRules@gmail.com